Pranking the Marauders: The Tale of Melissa Hunter
by TwoDramaNerdsInABoat
Summary: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. When James, Peter and Remus try to prank Sirius by locking him in a train car with a Slytherin girl, they don't know that they have just started the largest prank war in the history of Hogwarts. (And no, we're not counting anything Peeves has done.) It's all the Marauders against Melissa, the girl from the train, who Sirius may have a crush on.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

In which a girl and a boy are locked in a train car, and it is decided James will never get Lily

 **Melissa POV**

The first time I met James Potter was the time he locked me in a compartment on the train at the beginning of my fourth year with Sirius Black, who might I add, is just as much of an arrogant toerag as James. I was looking for my friend Lily Evans when I found Black in the train car looking utterly lost. I stepped in, about to ask if he was alright, when the door slammed shut behind us.

"Dude!" I heard a boy say from behind the door, "Awesome! You shut him in with a Slytherin girl! Victory!"

"Yes!" Another voice replied, "Best. Prank. Ever."

A third voice sounded concerned. "Guys, we have to consider her feelings. No one deserves to be shut in a compartment with him. Not even a Slytherin."

The third voice, who I later learned was Remus Lupin, was right. So, so, so right.

"I am going to kill your friend!" I shouted through the door, "And then I'll get you too!"

"Ooh. She's feisty. I bet she can't come up with good nicknames though." First voice. He'd end up being James. Yeah, Lily's never gonna marry him. No way.

"I can! I'm great at nicknames!" I screamed. "You're- um, you're- Voice Number One!"  
Yeah. Not my best moment. But I was trapped in a train compartment with a guy that looked like a future killer. Let's just say I was almost ready to climb out the window.

 **Sirius POV**

I've been locked in a train car with a cute girl.

Best, and simultaneously worst, day of my life.

"Um, hi?" I said, "Are you done screaming at my friends?"

"Nope." she said, "Not even close."

Then she went back to screaming at them, saying a lot of stuff that I'd rather not think about right now. But man Slytherins can have some serious curse words. Very creative ones, at that. Suffice to say, I thought she was even cuter because of this.

Merlin, I've never fallen for a girl. Well, I suppose Evans was pretty. But then James ruined our chances with her forever. Yeah, he's never gonna get her to marry him. I bet you anything.

When the Slytherin was finally done yelling at the wall (and the people behind it), she kicked the bench and sat down across from me.

"You have mud on your robes." The Mystery Girl Who's Absolutely Magnificent said.

"I know. It's there for a reason." I responded. Way to go, Sirius.

"Is it?"

"Isn't everything?"

"Knock it off!" Yelled James from the other side. "You're supposed be killing each other, or snogging each other, or something interesting!"

"That," said the mystery girl, "Is disgusting."

I sighed.

"Though," she continued, "I wouldn't mind killing him."

 **Melissa POV**

After saying this, I winked at the boy across from me. He got the idea. So we set to work.

 **James POV**

"Guys, I think they're actually killing each other." Remus said. There was some evident fear in his voice.

I put my ear to the door. It seemed the girl was screaming, and Sirius was too. There was a loud crash, and then-

"It's silent." Wormtail said in awe.

Remus put his ear to the door. "Maybe we should check on them."

 **Melissa POV**

Whoever this boy was, he was good at fake-dying. I heard one of the voices suggest to come and check in us.

"They're coming in!" I whispered, "Quick, get on the luggage rack, while I make some fake blood."

He nodded, smiling, while I grabbed a potion vial from my robes and mixed it, uttering an incantation. Lily'd taught me this recipe. She planned to use to if James ever got too crazy. I watched as the liquid inside changed to the same shade and consistency as blood. Then, I opened a window and smeared it on the glass, before jumping on the luggage rack with Sirius.

 **Sirius POV**

The girl's on the luggage rack with me. The girl's on the luggage rack with me. The girl's on the luggage rack with me. THE GIRL'S ON THE FREAKING LUGGAGE RACK WITH ME!

 **James POV**

"Oh crap." I said. "I think they actually killed each other."

Let's get this straight: Sirius is one of my closest friends. The only reason he's on my pran list is because of a stunt he pulled last year in the library. I can't say what- we swore never to talk about it again. But that doesn't mean I want him dead.

"They probably threw each other out a window! Look! There's blood!" Peter shouted

"It would have been so much better if they had chosen option two"  
"That's still disgusting" The girl's voice said from above

The next thing I knew I was lying on the ground with someone on top of me. I quickly realized that I could pick her up easily. She was very light for a fourth year. Then again she was kind of short compared to us. Except for Peter she was probably only one or two inches shorter that Peter.

"Hey!" She said as I lifted her off of me.

"Sorry," I responded, "I'm a busy guy. Got, like, twenty more people on my prank list."

"Yup," said Remus, "Then he's gonna go propose to Lily Evans. Again."

 **Melissa POV**

LILY! I HAVE TO FIND LILY! SHE MUST BE WORRIED SICK! … AND SHE MUST BE WARNED!

"Yeah… I gotta go find Lily…" I crept out of the compartment.

James Potter (who turned out to be Voice One), heard this. "Wait- you're friends with Lily Evans?! You, Girl Who Is Terrible At Nicknames, are friends with LILY EVANS?!"

"Hey! I'm not terrible at nicknames!"

 **Remus POV**

Yeah… the girl ran out of the compartment. I don't blame her. Even I don't wanna be around James when he starts talking about Lily Evans. Soon, James and Pettigrew were chasing after the girl, and it was just me in the compartment with Sirius. I looked at him, and he seemed strange. Almost in a daze. The same daze James had when he'd first seen Lily.

"You like her, don't you?" I asked him.

"What!? No! Where'd you get a crazy idea like that? I am Padfoot, lone wolf of Hogwarts. Complete player. I don't fall for a girl."

"Uh-huh."

"Yup."

A few minutes passed. Then-

"Her name's Melissa, you know." I said. To this, Sirius nearly jumped where he was standing. His eyes were completely lit up.

"Melissa?! I have to find her-"

"Crazy, did you say my idea was?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

In which Sirius realizes he has a crush, and Severus still has one on Lily

 **Severus POV**

I was sitting during the sorting ceremony when I looked up to see Sirius Black staring at me. Or at least, in my direction. I'd heard how James and his posse had trapped Melissa Hunter, the girl I was sitting next to at that exact moment, in a train car recently. I really hoped I wasn't going to be their next target.

"Are they looking at me?" I asked her. Melissa didn't respond. She was too busy scribbling notes onto a piece of paper. "Melissa!" I whisper-screamed.

"What?" She snapped back, annoyance evident in her voice

"Black- is he looking at me?" I asked again. At this she looked up and met Black's gaze before glaring and turning back to her scribbles.

"I don't think so." She replied more peeved than before.

I sighed. "Melissa, please look. You're better at reading people than I am."

"Fine." She said with a huff of anger, putting down her pencil and paper for a moment. I looked at it and saw that it seemed to be a diagram of sorts. There were all kinds of different arrows and "x"s, a few of which were labeled. 'Black', 'Potter', and 'Pettigrew' were all listed. A few of the arrows said 'dungbombs.'

"What do you think?" I asked her, looking away from her paper and back at Sirius. "Do you think he's going to- kill me or something?"

"No." Responded Melissa, "He's looking at me."

 **Melissa POV**

After looking up and seeing that Black was staring at me. I glared at him again, and then went back to planning how I was going to get revenge. The Marauders pranked the wrong Slytherin. They started this war, but I was going to finish it.

"What are you planning?" Severus asked. The cursed boy was always snooping around in my work! Just because we were both close with Lily didn't mean that we were immediately friends.

"Why do you care?" I snapped back, still very annoyed that I had been interrupted once again.

"Because if it has anything to do with annoying Potter or Black, I want to in." Severus whispered.

I looked up again about to remark with a flat out no when realized that I could use his help in the future with potions or something. I was okay at potions, but I knew Severus was easily the best, even with Lily as a close second.

"Fine." I said "But only to critique _my_ ideas and if I need any potions for a prank."

"Deal." he said "Anything that will get Potter humiliated."

Then we went to our house, through the dimly lit common room, and into bed.

 **Sirius POV**

 _Melissa. Melissa. Melissa._ Sitting in bed that night, the first night of school, my fourth year, I couldn't get her out of my mind. The name was pretty, but not as beautiful as the girl- WAIT A SECOND. I WAS FALLING FOR A GIRL. REMUS WAS RIGHT. I pondered for a moment whether or not to tell him. I mean, it was a bit personal. And he might hold it over my head forever. He wasn't even my best mate! That was James, by a landslide. But the thing is, if I told James, everyone would know. James would have fun with that. I sighed and made a decision.

"Remus?" I whispered, sliding out of my four-poster as walking over to his bed. "Remus?"

I heard a groggy "Mmmh," so I knew he was at least half-awake.

"Come on." I grabbed Moony from his bed and dragged him down to the common room. They sat by the fire as Sirius explained.

"You were right, Remus."

 **Remis POV**

Right? Me? _Never_. OF COURSE I WAS RIGHT. I AM ALWAYS RIGHT. I HAVE NEVER NOT BEEN RIGHT.

 **Sirius POV**

I wondered what Remus was thinking. Was he laughing at me internally?

 **Remus POV**

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I AM ALWAYS RIGHT!

 **Sirius POV**

"What should I do?" I asked. "I- I know nothing about liking people. It usually goes the other way around."

"Listen, don't be creepy. Don't stalk her or anything. Be nice. Wait for Valentine's Day, or a dance or something and ask her out then. Until the perfect moment arrives, I'll steer you through this minefield called 'girls.' But I want some pay."

"You don't mean-"

"Of course I do."

"But-"

"I want you to pay me in chocolate," Remus insisted. "The _good_ kind. A bar for every sentence of advice. You owe me, I dunno, maybe ten as of this moment."

I took a deep breath. "Deal."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

In which Severus, Melissa and Lily hatch a plan

 **Lily POV**

I was glaring aimlessly at the Black Lake when I saw Sev coming down from the castle. He looked like he was in a deep thought, or maybe hatching some plan. You see, when he does he has a certain look on his face, and if you get to know him you can eventually find out exactly what he's thinking.

"Hey." I called over to him.

"Hi." He replied a little startled. He doesn't like being awoken from his deep thoughts.

I sat next to him and look into the depths of the water. For a moment, I thought I see a merman, or a tentacle of the Giant Squid, but it turned out to be nothing. Just a trick of the light. "What were you doing talking to Melissa Hunter the other day?" I asked.

"Who?"

"Melissa. Light brown hair, freckles, green eyes, always kind of looks like she wants to kill you. That Melissa."

"Oh, her." Severus waved the thought away with his hand. "We were just talking."

"Severus Snape. You never talk to anyone. _Anyone._ "

"I talk to you," He said.

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. "You _only_ talk to me. And even now that can be rare nowadays. You're spending more and more time with-" Well, I didn't need to finish my sentence. Severus knew who I was talking about. The creepy boys that gathered and talked about purebloods as though they lorded everyone else because of intermarriage, who used words like mudblood. They'd gotten into many a fight over how much time Sev spent with them.

"If you have to know," Severus said finally, "I was planning to pull a prank on someone. She came up with the idea. We're hoping to execute it together."

"Who?"

"You know them. Pettigrew, Lupin, Black, and Potter. She seems to have been locked in a train car by them, and she has sworn to enact revenge."

 **Melissa POV**

A Slytherin always gets their revenge. It's just what we do. Like how most Gryffindors are jerks (there are exceptions, like Lily) and Ravenclaws are procrastinators and Hufflepuffs really, _really_ like cake, Slytherins have something we all share. When someone gets us, we get them back. Except when we get them, they feel our pain ten times over.

That may give you an idea of what I'm planning.

 **Severus POV**

I briefly explained to Lily what we were planning. I tried to keep it short.

Enchanted flying pies, the Great Hall, mass humiliation. The whole lot.

Lily was a little concerned.

"Is it really nice, though?" She asked, "I mean, Sev, do we really want to go this far?"

"You've called James Potter an insufferable pile of blast-ended-skrewt scat ten times this week. I think you can answer that question for yourself."

Lily nodded, smiling. "You're right. Let's do this."


End file.
